Be Happier in 2023!

Whenever Alanis Morissette’s album ‘Jagged Little Pill’ calls to me I know I’m off balance and headed for trouble.  With all of its raw lyrics, the album takes me back to graduate school when I was riding what I thought were big waves fueled by a constantly shifting balance of excitement and fear.  I imagined that sometime after grad school I’d find some degree of certainty, stability, and even true happiness as a result. 

In my work as a Positive Intelligence® (PQ) coach, the research has identified 10 ways that human beings sabotage their happiness, productivity and well-being at work and play.  The first of these ‘saboteurs’ is what we call the Judge, PQ language for the amygdala.  The Judge works in 3 ways: by judging self, others, or by judging situations and circumstances. 

The Judge is the author of “You can’t be happy until.. you graduate, get that job, marry that person, buy that house, lose weight, the kids go to college, change jobs, the holidays are over,” etc.  And after the goal is reached, the judge moves the goal post further down the road, determining that the circumstances aren’t quite good enough yet for you to be happy. 

Sound familiar?  Rich or poor, this belief that “you can’t be happy until..”  is the Judge pulling you around by the nose, sabotaging your happiness.  The Judge will keep you on hold if you let it, all the way to your grave. 

Alternatively, you’ve likely heard that “happiness comes from within”.  Although basically true, it’s a phrase that people say with good intentions but have no idea how to help you get there, often leaving shame and consternation in its wake.  I can admit that over the years I’ve been confused when I’ve gone looking for ‘happiness within’ and couldn’t find it.  ‘But where is it?  It’s not over here, I looked under there, why can’t I find it?  There must be something wrong with me.’   

Let’s unpack the insights and provide a road map for application.  We define happiness as not based on external circumstances (defined and controlled by the Judge), but on the percentage of time that you spend in positive emotions, that is, the amount of time you spend in your Sage brain vs. your Saboteur brain. 

Positive Psychology research finds that if you spend more than 75% of your time experiencing positive emotions like curiosity, creativity, empathy, peace and calm, or love, etc. you will be happier, and make better decisions.  Reaching that 75% tipping point and above depends on building neuroplasticity to send signals faster and easier away from your survival brain where your saboteurs live, into the part of the brain where you experience positive emotions – what we call your Sage brain.  

Building neuroplasticity is a brain exercise like any physical exercise.  Spending time in your Sage brain becomes a loop that feeds on itself generating more and more positive emotions and happiness for you, and those around you.  And raising your baseline of positive emotions will help you build the tools to better match your inner blueprint with your life conditions (true happiness).

How often do you hear a voice telling you that happiness is on hold until.. ?  Your Sage brain would say, no, you can be happy here and now, despite the uncertainty or imperfection which is life.

So yes, happiness is an inside game, and can be built like any other muscle.  To build neuroplasticity and move from insight to application is possible.  It takes a minimum of 6-8 weeks of daily practice, the support of a community, patience, and a willingness for something to change.  It puts you in charge rather than your Judge.

“What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five”

 Alanis Morissette

Ready to learn more about how to be happier in 2023?  Designed for busy people, the next mental fitness program begins January 14^th.   Register before December 31st and receive 10% off - my holiday gift to you!  Reach out to schedule a stress- free consult and to learn more.   I’d love to hear from you!

Want to bring this into your organization?  Let’s chat about a lunch&learn, half-day workshop, or higher mental fitness for everyone and positively kick-ass organizational culture that thrives into the future😊

I wish you and yours plenty of happy days and a beautiful holiday season!!

Kara