Life is in the Details: The Language That’s Holding You Back

"Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life." - Bruce Lee

Words have power. We all know how words can help or hurt other people, but we don't always consider how much they hurt us. They change our brain, shape our thinking, and impact our ability to meet what's ahead with creativity, agility, and resilience.

In a course I took about health and healing years ago, we were told to never say "I hope I'm not getting sick..." Because your body can't hear things in the negative, it focuses on what you voice out loud—in this case, "sick." Instead, try saying "I'm feeling well and healthy today." Your brain registers "well and healthy" and works toward that goal.

Shifting Perspectives

How often have you used the phrase "I need to pick and choose my battles"?

"If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought." - George Orwell

That statement suggests we're warriors in a fight that is life. Resistance, stress, anxiety, and many other negative emotions are pre-loaded into that phrase. It shapes your relationship with whatever - or whoever - you're facing. You tend to see the situation and people involved as enemies. What a way to get out of bed every day!

Stay with me here. What happens if we change the word 'battles' to 'challenges'? "I need to pick and choose my challenges." It feels much lighter to me. Not so dramatic or threatening. The perspective shift turns the situation and people into challengers - a regular part of life that creates opportunities to grow and move forward.

Let's take it a step further. Now try replacing 'challenges' with 'opportunities.' "I need to pick and choose my opportunities." It turns everything on its head. It might even make you laugh at what feels ridiculous. Yet within any struggle is an opportunity if we choose to look for it.

Many people say we have the family members we do because they're here to teach us something we need to learn. Maybe it's patience, empathy, boundaries, how to take better care of ourselves, connect with others, or stand up for ourselves. Maybe it's how to collaborate, focus on what's important, develop a critical skill, or become a better leader. We might feel the pain in the moment. But if we look past the short-term 'battle' toward the longer-term 'opportunity' - the big picture perspective that makes us better, stronger, wiser - we operate from a completely different space. Others feel that energy and benefit from it too.

Here's where gratitude is built into this reframe: compared to most people on the planet, these are good problems to have. I get to have these problems, which are far better than what much of the world is facing. This doesn't erase them, but it removes much of the sting. All with one word.

It might feel forced at first and that's okay. Seeding your brain to search for opportunities puts you in creative problem-solving mode. You're partnering with life instead of bracing against it. This doesn't mean we'd choose these challenges. But they're here. We must do something with them besides continue to suffer.

The words we use either act as bridges or barriers to what's possible. You become opportunity-minded rather than problem-focused. While "the devil is in the details," it's also true that "life is in the details." Whatever your perspective, you'll find what you're looking for - a battle or an opportunity. Which would you rather focus on?

When words feel heavy, find the words that propel you forward and repeat them.

When you change your words, you change your perspective.

Your turn: What is one phrase you say all the time that you can reconfigure toward a more positive outcome? Please share it with me - I'd love to hear your perspective shifts. Your brain and body will thank you for it.

Did You Know?

• Studies show that positive self-talk can improve performance by up to 20% in high-pressure situations
• Your brain's reticular activating system acts as a filter, seeking evidence for whatever you focus on—making your word choice a self-fulfilling prophecy
• A study by the Corporate Leadership Council found that employees who reframe challenges as opportunities show 26% higher performance ratings
• Research in organizational psychology shows that leaders who use opportunity-focused language see 31% higher team engagement

More Wisdom on Words

"Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs." - Pearl Strachan Hurd

"Words have wings". -Homer

"Words can build bridges (or walls)."

"Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." - Rumi

"Words define us, they explain us, and, on occasion, they serve to control or isolate us." - Pip Williams, The Dictionary of Lost Words

"Words have a taste, sweet but subtle, like dark chocolate; the scent of old bookshops; a flamenco rhythm; the feeling of the rain on your face on sunny days." - Chloe Thurlow